Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
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