so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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