Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
