I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
