i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Can you bring me the toilet please
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
