My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
