His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
