bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
