Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
