Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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