The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Randomize
