you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
