nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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