oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
