one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
