I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
