Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
