apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
