i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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