Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
