my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
