And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
