my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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