yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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