he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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