I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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