He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
