The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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