Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
vagina is talking i cant
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
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