Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
did you just send me my own nude
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
