I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
