I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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