we have officially lost it.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
