thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
