one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
