Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
