I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
