I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
