i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
