we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
