I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I said "one day" and that day is not today
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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