I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
