FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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