she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I think my moral compass just broke
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
