i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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