Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
