Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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