Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
