is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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