Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
