47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
