Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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